I remember you.

Sixteen months, going on seventeen. Has it really been so long?

I used to think that I would definitely pack up and uproot myself to a new place some day. Somewhere no one knows me and vice versa. I remember thinking to my sixteen year old self (or was it fourteen?) that, that would be the coolest thing on earth.

Along the way, I grew up a little, and figured that would be the silliest thing to do. It doesn’t matter which place you’re at. Your problems don’t magically disappear just because you’re in a different place. This is probably one of those times when I slip up and revert from my fifty year old hermit self, back to a seventeen year old brat and say, fuck that. At least something’s changed… right? Rather a messed up mind in a cool unknown place than a messed up mind in the same old familiarity. Sure, it doesn’t sound that good now that it’s typed up and staring at my face but whatever.

I should just get back to writing those emails I doubt I’d ever send anyway. I’m being silly and nonsensical but I’m just gonna pin this all on my hormones going on overdrive since I’m bleeding through the bottom. Right. Crude. Sorry. I guess.

I don’t know why but I can’t stop thinking about kids and marriage. I wasn’t kidding when I said I just really want a daughter and couldn’t care less about having a husband. And no, I’m not being a feminist by wanting a daughter. A son would be cool, but I just want a girl so I can name her Sasha. I can just hear Gordy going all lecture-ish already. But I just had to get that out of my system.

I’m embarrassing myself with this pointless shit but whatever. Heck, whatever’s such a pointless and overused word when used in a context like that. Everyone’s using it. I should probably come up with something no one uses, right Keith? But I’m too much of a bum, so yeah.

Pointless monologue over. I wanted to write it in my little notebook on the table but a) I was too lazy to walk out to get it, and b) I was too lazy to write and it’s so much easier to type out my word vomit anyway. I should go, before I start cringing at my repetition of words. I need to start memorizing the dictionary. Pointless, yeah, whatever… seriously?

Gee.