We could have. I want what they have.
Oh you have no fucking idea what this feels like. One by one, we’ll fall into the world of forced smiles and resignation. Tears are illegal aliens because oh you chose this. You chose this with your silence.
You cannot understand what this feels like, so please stop pretending like you do.
Filed under: Family, Through my eyes | Tags: fantasy vs reality, jumping to my dreams
It’s better to just pretend that everything is a peach. Things are pretty awful back home and we’re approaching the dreaded month. I need more money. Sometimes pretty boys just aren’t enough to chase the bats away.
.
I’d give anything for this to be a bad dream.
I’m a Daddy’s girl. But the person I trust the least, is ironically Daddy himself. Because he always takes what little faith I can muster, and throws it to the dogs.
Thanks, for nothing.
Filed under: Family, What really grinds my gears | Tags: this is me not liking you
I don’t get this dissatisfaction with everything. I am not good enough, and so are you, and this, and that. This restlessness, the itch to be out and about, only to crave the sanctuary of these four walls once I’m out. The annoyance with everything and anything, (though to be honest, you especially). I haven’t really been going to school, what with this churning mix of everything that’s bitter and sour, and repeated bouts of sickness, and it feels right and wrong at the same time.
My better half would make things better… if only he wasn’t just a figment of my imagination. He’d chase away the demons, I just know he will.
.
& Daddy, I know your secret now. We know your secret. I don’t know where this nonchalance is coming from though. What happened to feeling? Perhaps, it’s been buried under layers of masks and pretense and lies and tales that say I am used to your bullshit. I don’t know whether to hate you or love you. You tell me.
I want out, I need out. Dammit, when will it finally be my turn. (Don’t forget me Papa. I’m small and insignificant, but I’m still here.)
Filed under: Family, Through my eyes | Tags: radwimps, the boy without a name
We’ve become clever without realizing it -
“To overcome one pain, you must have a greater one.”
Yats, I need a Noda in my life too.
So the entire point of skipping school today, (please don’t kill me G, it’s the first time in 7 weeks), was to rest work. Instead, I spent way too much time online, doing other things. I’m a slave to the internet. 
Ugh, at least work’s half done. And I can have a typing session after dinner with the boy and the sister.
Something tells me I’ll be late in meeting them, but whatever. I’ll leave after um, this and that.
